How to have anal sex

Dear Female Orgasm.MD.,

My husband and I are very interested in trying anal sex. We've tried doing research but all the websites that turn up are porn. Can you tell me how to have anal sex? I'm a 24-year-old woman with no sexually transmitted diseases.

We appreciate your help.


Dear Reader,

You're not alone. Every year, tens of thousands of heterosexual couples engage in anal play and anal sex.

If you want to know how to have anal sex, it's as simple as these three elements: lube, condoms, and patience.

Lubes are important for anal sex because the anus doesn't produce natural lube like the vagina does. Sufficient water-based lube is vital to keep the penetrating object from damaging the sphincter muscles or the lining of the rectum. Never use an oil-based lubricant – not only will they degrade condoms, they can lead to infections in the rectum.

Condoms are necessary for safe sex. They're also a good idea for anal sex because they make cleaning up the man's penis quite easy. Anal sex is not messy, the way many people fear it will be, but microscopic waste particles will still adhere to the man's penis after anal sex. Just slipping the condom off makes cleanup easy.

Keep in mind that anal sex is an extremely high-risk sexual behavior – which makes condoms another good idea.

Patience is necessary because the anus is a tight ring of muscle that spends most of its time clenched. Your partner must penetrate you first with a finger or a narrow dildo and ease the anus open sufficiently to enable penetration with the penis. Even after the penis is inside the anus, your partner must be gentle until you're both ready for more.

Once you're a little more practiced at anal sex, you may want to look into anal beads, anal dildos and butt plugs.

Be safe and enjoy yourselves!