Foreplay is not what a couple does to get the woman ready for sex. Rather, foreplay is an integral part of sexual relations – the preliminaries that excite both partners and make intercourse (or whatever later sex play you choose to engage in) more enjoyable for both.
If you're in doubt about how much foreplay your partner wants or needs, just ask. An open dialogue about sex between you will help more than any tips or tricks we can provide. But a good answer to the question is, more. Unless she's begging you for intercourse, keep up the foreplay.
To help you keep foreplay fun and interesting for you both, we've compiled the following list of tips. Remember, though – communication is key.
The power of suggestion
Many people are extremely turned on by talk. This isn't only "dirty talk" – women love to hear, for instance, that they're beautiful, you're having a wonderful time with them etc. Start out the next lovemaking session with talk. If nothing else, tell your partner exactly what you're going to do with them: "I'm going to undress you and lay you down on the bed and bite you on the neck. Then I'm going to…" Such a declaration can be extremely sexy.
Some people enjoy talking dirty during foreplay – but others are uncomfortable or even embarrassed to do so. This is another excellent topic for discussion. But if you've never tried talking dirty, you should try it. Even if you're not that kind of person.
Instead of just shucking off your clothing, turn disrobing into a game. Slowly unbutton your shirt, peel your pants away and turn undressing into part of the foreplay game. Try taking turns stripping.
This is especially effective for those people who are excited by the site of their partner's body.
Foreplay is a great time to enjoy adult movies together. Some people are embarrassed or ashamed to admit they enjoy pornography, but let's face the truth: just about everyone looks at porn. Instead of making it into a secretive, guilt-ridden activity, watch couple-friendly adult movies together. If that's not your style, try looking at photographs together.
Women are more likely than men to be stimulated by erotic stories. Consider reading erotic or "pillow" stories out loud during foreplay.
Tongue, hands, toes, toys
Don't forget that you have an entire body to use to stimulate yourself and your partner. Any part of you that's clean can give pleasure. Try caressing your partner with your hair, with your toes, and of course with your hands and tongue. Be adventurous – try new things during foreplay and discuss them afterward.
Adult toys are an often-overlooked foreplay supplement. Try bringing a favorite dildo or vibrator into the bedroom. Anything more exotic should probably be discussed first – many people have misgivings or hangups regarding sex toys. Read our sex toy reviews here.
This is a great foreplay technique. Learn more about erotic massage here.
The role of laughter during foreplay
Sometimes, people laugh during foreplay. It's important you understand why this happens and don't hurt anyone's feelings.
People don't just laugh at things they find amusing. They laugh to release tension, and when they're nervous. Trying new things in the bedroom makes everyone uncomfortable, at least initially, and therefore sets the stage for laughter.
If you or your partner laugh during foreplay, it's all right. An explanation should be offered ("I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing because the vibrator's so loud") just to make sure there are no hurt feelings. But generally, laughter should be encouraged during foreplay. Laughing makes everything more fun.
Armed with these tips and guidelines, you should be able to make foreplay a lot more fun for you and your partner. But this bears repeating: communication is your best friend both inside and outside the bedroom. Talk about what you're planning to do, your expectations and even your anxieties. This will help create a more enjoyable foreplay session and a stronger relationship.